My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
