even my farts smell like vagina
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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