stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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