Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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