I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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