Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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