I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
