I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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