You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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