My liver just broke up with me...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
this is an emotional support booty call
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
