He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
