I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
