i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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