I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
