I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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