i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Your penis caused this!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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