I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
