All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
