walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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