you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
