we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
