apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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