I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
