im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
