i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
