Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
