Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
