we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.