K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
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Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.