So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.