Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
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