Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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