Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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