had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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