i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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