oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
