i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
