btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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