if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
