I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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