Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
