So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
