"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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