winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
