I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
