I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
