Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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