Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
