State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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