I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
