well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
