I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
