loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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