I think my vagina is haunted
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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