if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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