is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
