saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
