so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
