I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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