the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
