I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
