Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
