I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
