My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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