I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
