the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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