who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
